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The first few weeks (or even months) of any dating relationship can be filled with mixed emotions, and often these emotions can take us on the proverbial emotional roller coaster ride. Consider this: You’ve met someone and been out a couple of times. It’s great. Conversation is fabulous, and the chemistry is there. After a few weeks of fun and spontaneous romance, suddenly your emotions start to head downhill, getting the best of you. Do any of the following questions sound familiar? “I wonder how he/she is feeling about me.” “Where is this going?” “I think she has stronger feelings more for me than I do for her.” Perhaps the time has come to have the “talk.” Yes, I’m referring to the DTR — the defining the relationship conversation.
The DTR is the conversation that ideally establishes exactly what the relationship is; unfortunately, the DTR often can be the end of many budding romances.
Because of our own insecurities, many of us start feeling uncertain about how things are going fairly early on in a relationship. This uncertainty leads us to a “need-to-know” state of mind — ”I need to know where this relationship is heading, and I need to know now.” While they have their place, “defining-the-relationship” conversations often occur too early in a relationship. Additionally, expressing how you are feeling to the person you are dating — and not knowing how he or she will respond — can be a frightening moment of truth.
With this in mind, before deciding to broach the DTR, consider these tips:
It is natural and necessary to define a relationship. However, proper timing, understanding and clear communication will help your talk have a more successful outcome. If it goes the way you anticipate, hopefully you will both come away confident that you are on the same page. If it doesn’t go as you had planned, take the opportunity to gain some perspective and then decide where you feel this budding (or dying) relationship is headed.
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